Drumpf removes blessing from Abbott

Texas Republicans reeled today when Drumpf ordered them to remove Texas Governor Gregg Abbott from office. “That bastard can’t do one simple job. Why shouldn’t I fire him?” the Once-and-Future Fake President reportedly declared during a phone call with GOP leaders that included Lt. …

If you’re looking for love in all the wrong places, why not settle for a one night stand?

Star wranglers looking for love

astronaut dials up virtual girl

FLASH ROGERS, STAR WRANGLER AND PILOT of a Wild West themed intergalactic cruse liner, walked into a star bar. Not just any star bar, the crown jewel of his cruise ship’s star bars, Eta Argus, a club illuminated by free floating dust and floor to ceiling windows to the stars…

There’s a reason our parents send us to school (too bad we have to watch our own kids fuck up before we realize why)

Beware of subjunctive

Woman gasps as arrow goes off mark

THE DOCTOR SPOKE in a low voice to Amy’s mother. He hovered over her, taller by a good foot, and his face was grim. She spoke back, and he shook his head. …

Peer pressure is the best tool known for encouraging your friends’ inner morons

Beware of subjunctive

Raging bull engraved on buckle

BUZZ ROADKILL, 16-time bull riding and 12-time bronc busting champion, let fly a wad of tobacco juice that sailed in a high arc across the gravel path and landed dead on into the rusty bucket outside the stables. A brown splash rose above the rim when it landed.

Tim struggled…

As hard as you think something might be, with inattention and lack of effort, you can make it even harder

Beware of subjunctive

Man stares as doctor holds huge syringe

THE ER DOCTOR PUSHED ED back onto the examining table and unwrapped the offending appendage. The nurse’s eyes ballooned like flying saucers, bursting through the clouds in a science fiction movie. Frowning, Ed’s doctor tapped with his reflex hammer, sending pain shooting through the rest of Ed’s body. …

Before you put your money where your mouth is, make sure you have the money

Beware of subjunctive

IF BOBBY HADN’T EXAGGERATED about his dog training trophies, Fred wouldn’t have dared him to show off his skills. Even Bobby would admit it was a reasonable dare. He’d earned a bit of a reputation as a blowhard, although he wasn’t sure what he’d done to earn it.

(Except possibly…

When your goal is within your grasp, don’t give up. Unless your mother calls you in for dinner.

Fantasy Sports

Home run ball breaking out of TV

Source image by Freepik

THE GIANT’S PITCHER went into his wind-up and Lance took one last step toward the plate. The pitcher, Osaka, was a lefty and preferred the curve, but Lance held steady and studied the spin. …

Phillip T Stephens

Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

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