Star wranglers looking for love — FLASH ROGERS, STAR WRANGLER AND PILOT of a Wild West themed intergalactic cruse liner, walked into a star bar. Not just any star bar, the crown jewel of his cruise ship’s star bars, Eta Argus, a club illuminated by free floating dust and floor to ceiling windows to the stars…

Parental cautionary tales — BRAD SNATCHED HIS BRIEFCASE from the sofa and bolted for the door. His wristwatch said 10:30, and he’d scheduled an appointment for 11, which wouldn’t have been a problem were his appointment not a 45-minute drive. …

Parental cautionary tales — THE MINUTE KEN’S CHILDREN OFFERED to help with the chores, he suspected something was up. Any parent will tell you that children never offer to help if they aren’t angling for something. …

Parental cautionary tales — PEGGY AND GLENDA LOVED the Little Doll Glamor Girls their grandmother gave them for their birthdays. They’d known their mother had asked her not to give them the dolls because they eavesdropped on their conversation after they told grandmother what they wanted at Thanksgiving dinner. …

Parental cautionary tales — LITTLE CANDICE SET UP HER LEMONADE STAND on the sidewalk in front of her parent’s house Sunday morning across the street from the Universalist church which was filled with gullible liberals ripe for fleecing. How did Candice know they were gullible liberals ripe for fleecing? Because her parents were church…

Parental cautionary tales — CUTHBERT’S PARENTS SPOILED HIM ROTTEN. They spoiled him so badly their friends stopped inviting them to dinner, or parties, or to socialize with their own children lest his destructive behavior rub off on them. He ran around the room screaming when other parents insisted he share with their children. …

Gunned down while protesting use in new school book — While leading an anti-gun protest at the Texas capitol, Winnie the Pooh, Eeyore, and Piglet were shot down by an anti-anti-gun protester Saturday afternoon. The protest, sparked by the distribution of the book Run, Hide, Fight, which used their images to suggest children confront gunmen during a mass shooting, has…

Graduation week — SHORTLY AFTER BOB’S RELEASE FROM PRISON, he received an invitation to the USND at Hoople Class of 2023’s 40-year reunion. He couldn’t imagine how they found him at a seedy halfway house in Hoople’s warehouse district where he was forced to stay after he discovered his parents sold their new…

Graduation week — ONCE BOB AND HIS NEW HIPSTER BUDDY Fender Fitz filed the paperwork for their new religion/multilevel weed-marketing scheme Heavenly High, he set about corralling his Class of 2023 USND classmates into careers as missionaries for the Church of the Holy Herb. His pitch was simple. You form a seven-person prayer…