Crime Week — THE GOOD FOLK OF HUCKLEBERRY HILLS, said Sue Meurte’s pot pie was the meal they wanted to take with them into the afterlife. Her crust, golden and flaky, held together on the fork but melted on your tongue like a dab of sweet cream butter. Thick crust too, not the…

Abbott pushes fetal gun rights in aftermath — To everyone’s surprise, save for people who read the news, another shooter killed 19 students and three adults at an elementary school in Uvalde, Texas. …

Crime Week — YES, OLD MRS. SAPPERSTEIN, the judge so old she had to douse herself with naphthalene to keep the moths from snacking (and who they only let judge because beauty contest organizers hoped she’d leave them a trust in her will) fell from her chair and required an EMT to stabilize…

Crime Week — TEN COPS couldn’t bring down Black Bart. That’s why they called him Black Bart — the toughest son of a bitch in Water Hole, Texas and the surrounding county. He ran the books, the girls, the shine. Hell, he ran all the rackets. Unlike other bosses, Bart didn’t need muscle…

Church bars baby killer at the door — Nancy Pelosi went to church out of town this morning. She slipped away to Maryland, which may soon be the only place she’s welcome to worship after her home diocese’s Archbishop Salvatore Cordileone, to whom associates affectionately refer as Vito Corleone, barred her from communion this weekend. …

Will join celebrity in snake oil venture after election — WITH THE VOTE in Pennsylvania’s Senate primary triggering an automatic recount, former/current/real/faux President Donald J/ Drumpf has offered candidate Mehmet Oz access to his “stop the steal” playbook. …

Class Reunion Week — JIMBO JAKKOV, CLASS OF 92 QUARTERBACK, refused to finish second. In anything. Thirty years later, he still insisted the Spotted Salamanders would have won the state championship if Coach Churl had let him play every position. …

Class Reunion Week — CAROLINE BUSIED HERSELF with the dessert table when she spotted Bud Blaze dropping off six pans of brownies at the opposite end. She’d hoped to avoid her exes and her exes’ exes, mainly because her exes’ exes had been her best friends on the pep squad until they found out…