Also known as a “global protection racket.”

“This idea of making countries pay for us to not target them is totally my idea, and, since it’s extra-constitutional I can take a twenty percent cut and the witch hunting special council can do fuck all about it,” the President boasted.

His buddies in the Russian mafia, aka the Kushner family, say he can take his cut only after they take theirs since they proposed the scheme during a meeting at Trump tower before the election.

Their cut is eighty percent and his cut is twenty, leaving nothing for taxpayers but increased prices and a shortage of imported goods. Farmers lose everything, but, POTUS says, that’s okay since those “corn-fed, corn-liquor swilling rednecks” will vote for him no matter “how far my di** ** ** ***** *sses.”

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Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

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