Alternative Dictionary, First Edition, 2017
It turns out the list you released was incomplete:
Education: There’s nothing the public schools can teach you that I can’t teach you with my high school education and the Bible at home.
This would never happen with proper home schooling.
Trade: It’s only fair when you give me everything you have and then I take all the shit you didn’t know you had. Oh, and don’t expect anything in return. Even a thank you.
Mexico: A constant irritant. The nation’s biggest source of murders and tax base leeching.
Russia: I’ll be tough and firm as long as Putin keeps tickling my belly.
Terrorism: A terrible, horrible evil inflicted on Americans because we’re the good guys. Isn’t wonderful how many votes it gets us?
Congress: I write the laws. Congress makes them happen.
 I sign them with my cool Presidential pens. See how many I have? Look at this cool parchment. I can’t do this with my ink jet.