At least three of my high school teachers would have shot me. In this order:

  1. Mrs. Zavesky (Sophomore History). She knew I was a communist.
  2. Mrs. Griffiths (Junior History). She thought I was a communist.
  3. Mrs. Williams (Freshman and Senior English). She didn’t care if I was a communist. She thought, correctly, I was a smart ass. Even worse, I was a smart ass who was smarter than she was.

This was San Marcos, Texas. 1968–72. They would have shot me and the principal would have ruled “justified.”

If they’re alive today, they‘d applaud 45 and say, “the first student I’d’ve shot would’ve been that commie smart aleck Stephens.”

Voters in the State of Texas would say, “Give teachers guns to shoot the bad kids before we have to pay the cost of their incarceration. Or, in the case of liberals, because they should be outlawed before they take away our second amendment rights, but we can’t put them in jail because of the goddam first amendment. Who dreamed that amendment up? That liberal Jefferson? (A traitor to the South.) Wish teachers had guns before we wrote the Constitution.”

PS: I am not, and never have been, a Communist. I am and always have been a smart ass.

PPS: Bernard (our Vice Principal) sucks. Signed, The Phantom. Mrs. Williams’ son Marc was another Phantom. There were four Phantoms, but Marc was the first. Anyone who went to our high school will get this.

PPPS: When you can’t sleep at four am, your brain will fart anything. This is why you shouldn’t base policy on your Tweets, Mr. President.

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