Don’t forget how to become a lawyer (executive, mogul):

Walk into CEO’s office.

When asked for credentials say, “Credentials? I’m motivated. I don’t need credentials. I’m the best darned (damned, goddamned)[1] lawyer executive mogul you’ll ever hire.”

Shake hands and light celebratory cigar.

(If you’re a woman get taken for drinks and be sexually harassed, only it won’t be real harassment because in the movies women secretly dig assholes once they get to know the lovable lug underneath the harassing surface.)

[1] Depending on the movie’s rating. If the characters are black substitute “mother f**cking.”

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Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

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