The former Presidents bow for the Lord’s Prayer while Drumpf expresses his boredom with the gathering. (US CongressPre)

Drumpf snubbed at Bush Funeral

Skips prayer then barred from speaking

Published in

The Haven

4 min readDec 6, 2018

What began as Drumpf’s worst weekend ever may be turning into his worst week. World leader’s snubbed him at the G20 meeting, and when he returned the press gave more coverage to Mueller’s investigation than his Tweets about the investigation. (A first for his administration).

Oh, yes, and former President Bush died and no one let him speak at the funeral. When he arrived he discovered he didn’t have a front-row seat for the show. He was placed in the third row with his wife Melania.

“He didn’t mind that Melania was on the third row,” B.G. Kizzazz, Chief of Staff John Kelly’s assistant deputy, told The Haven. “He was mad that he was on the third row with her. Behind former Presidents Obama, Clinton, Carter, Bush and Jesus Christ our Lord God. Who didn’t say a word to him.”

“That pissed him off the most,” Kizzazz added.

“He didn’t mind that Melania was on the third row. He was mad that he was on the third row with her.”

“I don’t know why Jesus would speak to him,” said Episcopal Presiding Bishop Michael Curry, who presided over the service. “Drumpf refused to join the conversation. The leaders joined with Jesus to recite the Lord’s Prayer before the service. Drumpf sat behind them. Looking bored. Or he might have been scoping the hot women across the isle. I think they were from FOX News. Blonde. Tight dresses. Need I go further.”

A photo of the disengaged Drumpf during the Apostle’s Creed went viral after the funeral. White House officials demanded the memory cards of any one who took the picture of the Lord’s Prayer. The Haven photographer managed to smuggle one shot by posting it to the cloud on from her iPhone.

Jesus wasn’t thrilled to attend a funeral with Drumpf and only did so at the request of all five Presidents, including George HW who invited him personally on Monday. “The guy ignores me, takes credit for my good deeds, or tries to drag my name into his shit,” the Lord God told the Associated Press before he ascended through the church’s ceiling. “He didn’t even wash the hamburger grease from his fingers when he tried to shake my hand. I asked Dad if I really have to forgive his sins, and he said, yes, but I don’t have to spend time with him.”

“The guy ignores me, takes credit for my good deeds, or tries to drag my name into his shit,” the Lord God told the Associated Press.

Midway through the service, after the other President’s addressed the audience, Drumpf spotted the television cameras and realized the service was being broadcast on television and radio networks. He knocked the second row pew over and scrambled to take control of the altar. The Bush family, former Presidents, former Presidents wives, and their combined Secret Service details managed to return him to his seat after a struggle that lasted more than twenty minutes.

“Who knew a guy that fat could be that strong? No wonder he doesn’t do any work. He must get all his exercise stretching his lungs at rallies.” said the head of the Bush’s Secret Service detail.

“We figured this would happen,” Kizzazz admitted. “That’s why we started the service half an hour before the announced time, and broadcast on a tape delay.”

“They’ll probably prop his corpse on the altar, control him with strings and play a tape of his best hits. Then they’ll bring up someone to read his Tweets.”

When asked if they would attend Drumpf’s funeral, all four former President’s informed The Haven they would not. Bill Clinton claimed, “they’ll probably prop his corpse on the altar, control him with strings and play a tape of his best hits. Then they’ll bring up someone to read his Tweets.”

Senators Chuck Grassley and Mitch McConnell said there’s no way they would miss it.