I ordered Steve Bannon’s book, Totalitarian Diet, based on a review by Allan Ishac, and every one of the techniques works. My colleagues and friends backed away whenever I walked into a room, and I learned to intimidate them with a single glare (well, backed up by hacking their accounts and blackmailing them, letting them know I was a Facebook friend with Putin, and poisoning their pets).

Bannon even sent Secret Service agents in black suts to my house to tell me they would break my arms if I used any of his tips successfully again because Bannon wants no threats to his… I mean Trump’s supremacy.

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This book should be on every would-be dictator’s shelf.

This shows you how effective his advice will be. For $19.99 it’s a steal, even if readers who use his techniques will suddenly find TV repair vans parked outside their house with antenna arrays on the roof and shotgun mikes sticking out the driver’s window. And someone may poison your pet. But when you’ve mastered the Totalitarian Diet, you won’t mind.

In fact, if you really follow the book’s advice, the first recipe you learn is how to make fettucini alfredo with your pet as the meat course to toughen yourself up emotionally.

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