I was really disappointed to read this article and realize there is no Cirque De Derriere. I spent the last year perfecting an act where I stuff myself with POTUS’ Tweets, wait until my stomach churns so badly I double over in pain and then fart my way up a ladder on a unicycle. Once I find the right air freshener to mask an effluent stench that withers flowers for blocks, the act will be ready for prime time.

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