If you plan to take Alan’s advice for home flooding prevention, be aware that unlike sand, Republicans clog your septic tank and can’t be removed. Even worse, Republican-related septic repair can only be undertaken by Certified Republican Septic Systems Consultants® who charge three times as much and sell your personal information on their mailing lists.

That being said, CRSSC® septic repair, starting at 150K for the non-warrantied QuickSpin process, is far cheaper than the value of your home. Unless you’re poor or middle class at which time your home really should be used to build temporary barriers to the flood waves. You have so little to loose, you’ll barely notice.