It figures that the only two women who applauded this were the two women at my company who got promotions over me. They got name plates and I didn’t so I had to be the guy who held the door, brought coffee and said, “yes, mam, you look so professional today.” A friend told me I should quit respecting women and hit on the two women who were now my supervisors, but my wife said, “If you do, I’ll cut you off at the knees.”

Then one of my supervisors cornered me in a closet and offered me the chance to get ahead for five minutes of motorboating. I told her I’d rather keep my shins and she filed a pre-emptive complaint against me for sexual harassment.

I lost my job and my wife life me because “why should I take your word over that of a woman?” I now live in a halfway house with other men who lost their jobs over sexual harassment. You’d think they’d commiserate but when we pass the gin we distill in Bob’s bathtub, they all brag about who they laid to get fired. I’m the pussy who couldn’t lose his job getting laid like a real man.

Still, I’m glad it worked out for you.

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Living metaphor. Follow me @stephens_pt.

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