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NSS President Alfred Newman wants reporters to stop repeating Rex Tillerson’s unfair comparison of morons to the President. (Trump: Gage Skidmore. Newman: bellasario.)

Morons resent comparisons to President

This weekend, representatives of America’s marginally literate and mentally deficient community went on the offensive over journalists’ repeated use of the word moron when discussing disintegrating relations between the President and his current Secretary of State. For the past week journalists, commentators and spin doctors have repeatedly quoted Secretary Tillerson as calling the President a moron (or “f…king moron”).

“We find that term offensive,” said Alfred Newman, President of the Socy…, Socie…, Groop of Not So Smart Foks (SSGONSSF), who officially shortened the acronym to NSS (Not So Smart) because it was easier to remember. “Not moron,” he added, “because we kind of are morons, but….”

Mister Newman lost his train of thought and looked to his notes only to discover he forgot to bring them. He prepared to leave the briefing, but his girlfriend Stacey, who admits to an IQ of 101, whispered in his ear. “Oh, right. We think it’s wrong to compare people like us to someone as stupid and…”

“Ignorant,” Stacey said.

“…That word…as the President.” With that Mister Newman finished the conference. When pressed by the other reporter present he said, “Wow, man, how dumb are you? We’re smarter than that asshole. Even we’re smart enough to know that.”

“We’re smart enough to not Tweet,” he said on his way out the door. He returned to say, “You know, except for retweets and ‘hello, mom.’”

Newman’s girlfriend Stacy, whose IQ is thirty points higher than her boyfriend, confirmed that NSS would like to sue someone for the slander, but don’t know where to look for lawyers on Google.

This article is written in compliance with my new policy to no longer mention the President’s name since he loves it when anyone, even critics, say it. #boring45

Wry noir author Phillip T. Stephens wrote Cigerets, Guns & Beer, Raising Hell, and the Indie Book Award winning Seeing Jesus. Follow him @stephens_pt.

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