My Best on Medium
It takes me forever to track my best stories on Medium. I hope this will save you time.
Impeachment proceedings would be an act of public service
As the debate over impeachment intensifies, it may be time to stop worrying whether proceedings would succeed in removing Trump.
Not about the President. Really.
More people comment on this humor piece than anything else I’ve written, most of them telling me why they’re not racist. This is how I learned another sign you’re a racist, you don’t get irony.
Not about the President. Really.
My most popular story ever.
- Wife sues eHarmony for Estrangement
Blames online dating group for disastrous end to her marriage.
Madge Kurbel is suing eHarmony for three hundred million dollars. She says the online dating company ruined her forty-year marriage. She’ll settle for three hundred thousand, the amount she owes her lawyers.
- Furious George
The cautionary tale that inspired a classic childrens’ book.
- Mimicking Human Behavior
A pointless manual of etiquette and courtesy towards species who will soon remove themselves from the universal equation
- Tips for writing about humans:
Delivering what readers on the home world want
- I Was Abducted by Aliens and All I Got for My Trouble Was Couples’ Therapy
or, What Do You Mean by “Tongue in Cheek?”
- Hollywood buys rights to Higgs Boson: First Three Movies Already Scheduled for Release
- Master Two Simple Shapes to Become a Professional Artist
Did you ever wonder why your Facebook buddies can make memes and you can’t? Did you ever slave for weeks over a report and have your boss reply, “I don’t want to read. Where are the pretty pictures and charts?” This is your genuine, honest to goodness short cut to creative success
Every story I covered at the White House since the election. (Updated Weekly)
and even more at…
- The Cabin by the Lake
Essays on Gothic Poetry Chapter 4
Last August, in Marquette, Michigan, while I walked on the Lake Superior shore, a single ray of sunlight arrested me. It broke through a wall of storm clouds that hovered above a cliff and called my attention to a tableau sculpted within their faces. A man and woman driven apart by the sudden exposure. Her face consumed by shadow, turned away in anger; his face in highlights, enraptured by illumination.
- Still Life With Suits
Deconstructing philosophies of Will
Three men line the table. Their faces turn to a fourth who sits, perpendicular, at the corner end, his eyes lacking focus and staring into the distance. Each wears a charcoal suit, lilac Oxford shirt, and burgundy tie striped with gainsboro gray. Onyx and silver cufflinks engraved with “自律.” The characters represent the Japanese word “Jiritsu”.
- Digging to Nothingness
Sharon ignored the doorbell. Carmen stopped her text. “At least talk to him. He’s been ringing for twenty five minutes.”
- A Butterfly Flaps Its Wings In Arkansas:
Reflecting on the semantics of efficacy at the end of time.
How elegant were our modeling algorithms? Sleek, pared to two thousand lines. Verifiable, retracable, duplicatable. As exquisite as a butterfly etched into crystal.
- Happy to See Me?
Yes, I had a gun. But not in my pocket. No, I wasn’t happy to see her.
- Men Who Break Promises: And the women who let them
- The Science of Attraction
We can reduce the science of attraction to four laws:
1. The force of attraction can be strong or weak.
- Science Fiction:
There are things that passion doesn’t know,
things passion can never tell us
except that our loins grow
together with the rising of…
- Reflections during a moment of solitude
alone on table
wine stained cloth
like dried blood…
In the spring of passion,
on the springs of our beds
we fucked away our future in
thoughtless careless love.
- The Sovereign Lawmaker Metaphor. The poetry of politics in service to the nation
Metaphors steer voter behavior. They shape our values and beliefs. We don’t notice their influence because metaphors hide in plain sight, threading through everyday language and thought. (Members story)
- The joy of everyday philosophy: Philosophy isn’t just about lofty ideas. It’s about your life.