Sorry Charlie, These are Texas Waters
Strong image courtesy of wbdaily.com
This Friday, after Thanksgiving, Charlie Strong, the University of Texas Longhorns football coach, leads a 5–6 team onto the field to take on the Texas Christian Horned Frogs. Most believe, with good reason, this will be his last game, win or lose.
The only person in Texas who doesn’t seem to think that is Charlie Strong. Like Charlie the Tuna, who lived in denial in countless Star Kist tuna adds, he seems to believe his future rests on his ability to talk his way out of a. 16–20 record and the inability to deliver a winning season for the university.
Charlie the Tuna image courtesy of animator Floyd Norman (floydnorman.com)
Total Texans Want Wins
Charlie committed the worst of sins Monday when he spoke in his own defense, claiming he shouldn’t be judged by his wins and losses. Charlie focuses on building the total person. He must have forgotten where he was. This is Texas, not California. The book sold in our stores is titled: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars and Real Men are from Texas.
The book sold in our stores is titled: Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars and Real Men are from Texas.
Texans don’t want total people throwing the ball or rolling over quarterbacks and pounding them into the turf. We don’t care if they’re whole, half and half or two percent. We want wins. At least nine per season. Preferably a conference or national title.
Mac Brown learned that when we drove him out of town. He had more wins too.
The Bone that Cements the Status Quo
A confession: I like Charlie. I personally like his total person approach. I think it’s a hands down superior approach to a game that abandons too many young men with no NFL hopes to a life of mediocrity or even poverty. I appreciate the cerebral element it brings to the game.
That being said, I’m one of those peculiar Texans grafted onto the state. A native, yes, but not one Texans would recognize. I’m an Austin Texan, an old-school leftist and hippie determined to keep Austin weird, who knows we must maintain a delicate balance with the original ranchers who still believe their cattle should be grazing on our property.
Annexation into the US of A has slowly stolen away every vestige of the cattle drives, the range wars, the independent farms, until all the old boys have left is football. What did the University do? They upset that apple cart by hiring one of (dare I use the “n” word?) Obama’s needy cousins.
We barely got used to a black quarterback in Earl Campbell, much less a succession of black quarterbacks.
Put Your Game Where Your Mouth Is
Sorry, Charlie, but in Texas, the “W” we want isn’t “Why” but “Win”. To us “Why” is only the first three letters of “whyner.” 
To Texans “Why” is only the first three letters of “whyner.”
My advice to you? Keep your peace and send the boys out, not to play, but to slaughter. A win won’t save your job. A massacre might. I’m talking a massacre of Little Big Horn Proportions. Maybe 179–10. In the first half.
So one sided they call the game.
If they do that, you might learn you don’t need to talk. Talking’s what the suits do behind closed doors and never tell you about until after you’ve made your case. When it’s too late and you feel like an idiot for trying.
 Or would be except for the fact that my parents happened to be in St. Paul when the contractions hit.
 Because we don’t need to spell either. We voted for Trump and he’s ending Common Core.