Wow. I’ve been looking for a cheat sheet to describe one-dimensional female characters. And since, being a male author, I am capable of writing only one-dimensional female characters, this chart is all I need. However, I promise to add a brainy (ie, “wears glasses and reads”) character and a strong feminist character (ie, a character who’d take this comment seriously and excoriate me, or any other comments my male characters offer) and my portrayal of women will be balanced.

If only Joyce had this, the Molly Bloom section would have been much easier to get through. “She had a rear end like a tempestuous pony and I deigned to mount her.”*

*Technically the chart says I deigned to marry her, but she already married that dimwit Bloom and I would never invite a woman with such poor judgment into my life. Besides, any author who slavishly sticks to a chart isn’t me.”

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